A growing obsession overlooked by the mainstream is plaguing suburbia at an alarming rate: knitting. I guess it begins harmlessly enough, darning a sock when nobody’s there like Eleanor Rigby. But then it grows into a debilitating illness. Take for instance Deloris Clark. She’s 52 and her cats have a bigger wardrobe than most American children. Or take Norris Berkowitz who is allergic to wool but can’t stop knitting. His hands and face swell up every day beyond the point of recognition. These are just a few of the stories I uncovered as I delved deeper into the corrosive world that is knitting. It’s not just for your Granny anymore.
It was so cold today in Charleston, SC, that I saw a squirrel in Marion Square
warming his nuts. –(modified) David Letterman
Yes, I think I survived the great winter storm of 2014. Happily, it wasn’t much of anything because it doesn’t really snow here. I researched average snowfall for Charleston and it was so tiny that most charts had it at zero every year for the last hundred years. I have seen it snow three times in my eight years here and each time the snow barely stuck and was gone within 24 hours. Last night was different because we had freezing rain for the most part so there is ice stuck to power lines and trees. I know it was freezing rain because the boob on the news explained what freezing rain was about twenty times last night. I have sent him a gift basket full of Drain-o to gargle and Anthrax. Continue reading
Two months ago, I wrote the most read and discussed piece on Covered in Beer. Never did I think that my rather basic opinions of a generalized category of music would cause so much discussion. Some people really didn’t read past the title but decided to call me an idiot in the comments anyway. Most, thankfully, read the piece and then engaged in a discussion. Whether they agreed or not, I appreciate their (and your) views on anything I write because the point is to generate debate. “Let Classical Music Die Already” certainly did that.
There is a certain etiquette that I believe has been lost in today’s gambling culture that I would like to restore. If you don’t like gambling or casinos then this article is not for you. Gambling is a personal decision and you won’t be judged here if you decide to quit reading. I happen to like gambling and these are a few observations on how I believe people should act while in a casino.
It’s not your living room so dress accordingly
Gone are the days when men wore suits and ladies wore evening dresses in casinos. Thank goodness. I’m not going to that extreme because that seems like a waste of effort to me. But pajamas and sweat pants tell me that you have simply given up on life. They have already invaded our airports; must they poison our casinos too? I’m not asking for much here, just more than half a shirt with sleeves for the men and something that covers your beer gut for the women. I don’t want to have to look at your sagging butt while I lose my shirt at the tables. Sorry, that was horrible. Continue reading
As we enter the dog days of winter I thought I’d provide you with some ways to avoid getting sick. Now, if you are one of these liars who “don’t ever get sick,” stop reading and go fiddle around with some exposed electrical wires. I hope this list helps the rest of you normal people.
Stay away from children
Children have no respect for personal hygiene or contagious diseases, especially babies. Don’t let their cuteness fool you; they expel hazardous material at all times. If you have children, this is going to be hard for you, but I would wrap them in plastic wrap until the spring. Just make sure they can breathe. I know I used to be one of these things and I probably spread my fair share of disease but that doesn’t mean I can’t avoid them now that I’m a mildly intelligent adult.
While most of you are going to pledge to quit smoking (already did) or lose some weight (I’m fat because I quit smoking), I decided to do it differently in 2014 and resolve to accomplish things that I actually might stick to past February. My first one is in the title. I think saying “New Year’s” resolutions is incorrect because they are mine, not the year’s. How could a year resolve to do anything? If I’m incorrect, I don’t care (that’s my second resolution). Anyway, if you like any of these then let’s pledge to do them together.
Thank you to everyone who has checked out this dumb little blog, Covered in Beer. There has been a great increase in traffic this week. I’m glad to see most people liked what they read. Please don’t forget to check out my page Funk Music Friday. Hopefully, there will be some music there that you can discover or rediscover such as the Ohio Players, “Who’d She Coo?”: