Cheerleading’s Dark Side: Child Panhandlers

I'd probably donate to this guy

This is happening too often: Sunday is here, there’s a home game, we pull into our tailgate lot and crack open that first beer. Shortly there after a little tart, maybe 10 years old in a cheerleading uniform, shows up asking for donations so she and her team can go to “Nationals,” whatever the hell that is. I assume it’s where these little All-Star mooches can shake their rumps in a provocative manner in front of questionable judges at Disney World. I researched; the “Cheerleading Worlds” competition is held at Disney World every year. Despite its international name, it is never held in Indonesia or on the African continent or even outside of Florida for that matter because that would mean too much begging.

The USASF (United States All-Star Federation) is the organization that regulates this buffoonery on a national level. I use the word “buffoon” not as a slight to the innocent children but to their idiot parents who are typically more interested in the tumbling and the pom-pom waving than the participants. There’s a button on their website that took me to a place where I could make rules suggestions. Well, of course I did and emailed the following to Les Stella, the Executive Director of the USASF:

Dear Les,

I’m tired of being solicited for donations by local cheerleading squads in my area every time I tailgate for a football game. I suggest immediate disqualification for any team that panhandles for donations. Thank you for the consideration.

Thomas Cochran

If I receive any response I will add it to this post.

The stated mission of the USASF is, “To support and enrich the lives of our All-Star athletes… and promote a positive image for the sport.” I suggested this rule change because I don’t believe competing with the homeless for handouts promotes a positive image of 10-year old girls.

If you disagree please tell me. If you are the parent of one of these girls I’d love to hear from you. If you think I’m irrationally responding to an isolated incident, you are sorely mistaken. Just yesterday cheerleaders asked me four separate times in two hours for money. It happens just like I described above every football game. They sniff us out like zombies in The Walking Dead.

What really gets me is that they are being taught how to get something for nothing. These little scroungers aren’t offering anything. Sell me a cookie, a car wash, an insult; something other than “please do it.” What a sad lesson these children are being taught. On a blog called “Making it Work Mom,” Heather posts how proud she is of her little beggars. She argues it’s not begging, instead it’s something called “canning.” This is a word in the dictionary that is derived from the can that beggars use to collect money. How disgustingly PC. I have another definition of canning: “sitting on your fat can while people hand you cash.” Heather, you are a terrible parent. If I wanted money as a kid, my mother would offer to pay me $0.25 for every bag of sticks I picked up in the yard. Hand these future entitled slobs a bag and tell them to start looking for sticks.

“Oh come on, Thomas, it’s just a few bucks, what an ass you’re being.” Yeah, I am, but I also like to reserve my charity dollars for things other than sending 15 brats to Disney World. There is a scene in my favorite show, The Sopranos, where Tony and Carmella are fighting about their separation. Tony tells her, “You’re entitled to shit.” While not true in that situation, it is true when it comes to these little leeches. I’d love some suggestions for keeping these people away from my tailgating. I think at the next game I’m going to print this out and put it in their “cans.” (I know, sadly, there are boy cheer squads too and in the interest of equality I think they also stink)

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20 thoughts on “Cheerleading’s Dark Side: Child Panhandlers

  1. I don’t know what cheerleading institution would send kids out to ask for money. I grew up cheerleading (yes Nationals and Worlds and all the terms you said), but never once did we have to “ask” for money. I don’t know any gyms teams that did. The most we ever did was put on a car wash. I agree with you though, these kids need to work or something for donations. It is an expensive sport so maybe some of the kids need to find a cheaper activity. I’m embarrassed for the cheerleading world if this is what it has come to. Hopefully it’s an isolated occurrence.

  2. Dear Mr. Cochran

    Thank you for your correspondance and your interest in the USASF.

    If you would prefer to make a donation privately please contact a USASF representative.

    For information regarding qualifications, please review the guidelines listed on the USASF website.

    Sincerely

    Ms. Canning

    (disclaimer: this poster not affiliated with the USASF and is intended for amusement)

      • Thanks! It’s more breast than east these days since the in-laws weren’t thrilled with how I was publicly skewering them.

        I recently got hit up by one of the OR nurses to send her daughter’s cheerleading team to Disney. But if they cannot afford to go to Disney… why are they going to Disney?

      • I wish I were exaggerating but we are asked for money every week, multiple times. It’s my most popular post by far so it must not be an uncommon occurrence. People asked why I didn’t blame the parents. I thought I did emphatically; the kids don’t know better! Glad you liked it.

  3. Hi Thomas, nice to meet you. I agree with every word you’ve said here (except for calling a child a tart :)) – they shouldn’t be out asking for money like that. What happened to earning it?
    Thanks for visiting our blog, and for following. I hope you enjoy the stories of our journey.
    Cheers
    Alison

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