It was so cold today in Charleston, SC, that I saw a squirrel in Marion Square
warming his nuts. –(modified) David Letterman
Yes, I think I survived the great winter storm of 2014. Happily, it wasn’t much of anything because it doesn’t really snow here. I researched average snowfall for Charleston and it was so tiny that most charts had it at zero every year for the last hundred years. I have seen it snow three times in my eight years here and each time the snow barely stuck and was gone within 24 hours. Last night was different because we had freezing rain for the most part so there is ice stuck to power lines and trees. I know it was freezing rain because the boob on the news explained what freezing rain was about twenty times last night. I have sent him a gift basket full of Drain-o to gargle and Anthrax.
People get goofy when it snows in the South. Anytime someone empties a cooler of ice on the ground, people flee to the grocery stores and clean them out of bread and milk. I don’t understand this tradition. If the power goes out the milk is going to spoil and then you can throw it away and wrap yourself in the bread for warmth. One of the reason’s I love living here is the wonderful weather. I’m glad that we don’t know how to handle the misery of winter storms.
To those who live where it snows all the time: quit criticizing us for not dealing with “a little snow and ice” well. Why would we? It doesn’t snow here, schmuck. When you pull a fish out of water it doesn’t handle the change in environment very well. Welcome to Southerners in the snow. I am beginning to collect a list of people in the North and Midwest who have criticized our response to this storm and will revoke their vacationing privileges here when it 75 degrees next month and they have to start their cars with a heater. These are the same people that come here in the summer and complain that it’s hot. It’s hot. Go inside dummy, or better yet, don’t come here at all with your bitching.
I am not a winter person if you haven’t guessed that already. Winter is when I’m at my worst. I’m a fat idle blob of annoyed between January to March 1, so it would behoove you to stay away. I certainly don’t like snow. I think of snow like I think of pot: I like it for about 10 minutes then I’m ready to get back to normal. I think skiing is stupid too. If the goal of skiing is to get to the bottom of the slope without bashing into a tree, and that is where you begin, then haven’t I already won? Good. Now let’s go have a drink.
Luckily for us in Charleston, “Leon” didn’t hit too hard. (The Weather Channel didn’t use my suggestion of “annoying shithead” for the storm name) As I sit here, the ice is melting off the roads pretty rapidly. Bridges remain closed, but that only means people from neighboring Mount Pleasant can’t come downtown and complain. I imagine that more drunks fell down last night than usual, which are hopefully our only casualties. I know that lots of people had a much worse experience with this storm. I hope they get safe and warm, and vote out the incompetent idiots in Atlanta who botched the cities preparedness. I’m going to be sitting down with an adult beverage and dream of 90-degree heat and 100% humidity for the rest of the afternoon. Or at least dream about this Saturday when it is supposed to be 70.