Beer, Classical Music, Humor, Uncategorized

“Covered” Complaint Letter

I’d like to crawl out of the “gutter” a minute and publish a lovely email I received today from an unhappy customer of Covered in Beer. I put my “knitting” piece on Ravelry.com, which is a forum for people who knit, just to see what they thought about it and to hopefully give them a laugh. Satire never hurt anyone too badly, but apparently it did this woman. I obviously added the graphics and links to enhance it a bit. I edited it by breaking up a few long paragraphs, but I didn’t add or remove any words. I can’t wait to hear if you agree with my new friend Beth and her annoying email address.

Dear Mr. Cochran,

mean-old-ladyYour so-called “article” about knitting that you callously posted on our community message boards on ravelry.com has been passed to me a couple of times and frankly I’m fed up with it. I have asked the moderators to permanently remove your work from the site and have also asked them to ban you and the likes of your “work” permanently. Ravelry is a community free of most of the scum that floats around the Internet everyday, but somehow, you got past our defenses.

I guess you claim your article to be satire but I see it is hurtful drivel. What has anyone in the knitting community done to you to deserve to be the butt of this ill-formed hit piece?  I love to knit, do it everyday, but that doesn’t define me as you claim like some deranged addict. Most of the people I know who knit have many hobbies and very well rounded lives, so you couldn’t be more wrong in your depiction of us.

I wish this was my only grievance with your silly website, but when I decided toYuck-Face-Little-Boy-Image contact you, I unfortunately had to visit it and noticed a few other putrid instances of your opinion. Blue Cheese? Really? The sad little fake historical “facts” you include in that piece do a great disservice to your readers. I’ve never read so much disdain in my life over a food item. You’re like a little girl. Can’t you just dislike it and move on?

Oh! Then we get to this horrendous attack on classical music. What are you, some anti-intellectual? I guess that’s obvious from your poor use of grammar and punctuation, but it is incredible that the few folks who read this blog haven’t called you out on your lack of taste. I see that a few kind souls tried in the comments section, but you responded with some smart-ass response instead of taking heed of what they say. Enjoy your time in the gutter, but leave the rest of us alone.

I’ve gotten a little off topic here, but I guess I needed to get this stuff off my chest. I have reported your “blog” to WordPress and will encourage my fellow Ravelry.com users to do so as well until you and your work are removed from the site. Most of them think it is cute and funny but I guess they are just too kind to see it for what it really is: cruel. What kind of things do you love? Maybe I’ll start a blog about how horrible those things are, but I wouldn’t want to stoop to your level. Knitting helps people; you don’t. I guess I’m consoled by the fact that your blog is so insignificant and won’t be able to influence too many people. But it needs to be gone from our community. Hopefully, I can see to that.

Not so truly yours,

Beth Daniels

BtotheD123@gmail.com

 

111 thoughts on ““Covered” Complaint Letter”

  1. B to the D… not even going to touch that one.

    Is she completely insane or just partially? How can anyone find your Knitting post to be anything but humorous. I sent it to my own mother for goodness sake. She found it hysterical, BECAUSE she is an avid knitter.

    Good grief I wish people would calm down.

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  2. Dear Tom, Knitters are great, we love knitters. I have nothing against knitters. Nor do I have anything against you for your comments about classical music, despite how I’ve been a classical musician all my life. I subscribe to your blog not because I agree with all of your opinions but because I’m a writer and I like how you write. Keep on.

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  3. Wow! Just… wow.

    I forwarded your knitting piece to my knitting (and crochet) group and they all loved it. You just can’t please some people I guess. Or maybe we’re all just being kind…

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  4. B to the D has certainly shown her colors – she’s everything she accused you of being. As an avid knitter, I thought your piece was hilarious. As an aspiring writer I found it well written. Sadly, one can not knit a sense of humor. I would be willing to bet a big skein of laceweight cashmere that B to the D is a member of the Knitting Police and her IRL “friends” don’t like her, either, causing her to lash out at random people on the interwebs who are just trying to use satire to amuse their readers.

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  5. Well son, you finally poked a tiger. You’re a grown man so your mother and I can’t protect you from the wrath of this well-rounded, grammarian knitter woman. I wouldn’t walk down any dark alleys near a crochet convention either. Good luck, Dad

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      1. Thanks Martha but I take no credit. He gets his cynicism from his maternal genes. You ve known me since Kennedy was president and you know I have always been cheerful, positive and sunny!

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  6. I loved your hilarious knitting article , especially the cat ! I think your next article will have to be about corrupt mayors after the big news in Charlotte today !!!

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  7. Wow that woman knows how to throw an insult….. calling you a girl and all …. how many post did she read before she decided you weren’t her cup of tea LOL I knit, I like blue cheese, I do believe I listened to classical music more than once, yet I don’t have my head up my backside btw stitch & bitch is awesome depending on the company …more bitch than stitch , of course your lady probably attends a more tame knit & natter, keep up the tirade 😀

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  8. This is so silly, almost thought you wrote it yourself as a mock complaint letter…but check out Giles Coren’s twitter feed too…much anger at a satire piece in a mother and baby magazine, and shouts of misogyny. Some people get a bit fundamentalist about things.

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  9. Thomas, you sound angry. Maybe you should start knitting. Just kidding. I personally love to make stuff! I love to sew, cook, and make jewelry. If I’m not hot gluing some shit together then I’m not happy. I think I’m a creative and crafty sort of person, but wouldn’t go so far to call myself an artist or obsessed with any particular one hobby. However, I can identify with the makers, crafters, and hobbyists. Although, you will not find me eating a batch of yarn cookies anytime soon unless it’s a proven weight loss method endorsed by Dr. Oz. I will pretty much lick the ground if Dr. Oz says it will promote weight loss. All this is neither here or there. I loved your article as always. It’s clear that it’s written for the purpose of humor and not to bash anyone. To me it’s hilarious. Just like your other written work it makes people laugh. Maybe knitters shouldn’t take themselves so seriously. Keep rocking the boat with your humor and quirky points of life. And for God’s sake take a class on punctuation and grammar. Lol!
    -Haili

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  10. While I got a huge laugh out of your knitting post, I think posting it on Ravelry might have been somewhat ill-advised. Many knitters only ever joke about SSS, two left-hand mittens or frogging an entire sweater because of a mistake in the second row of the ribbing.

    Being a knitter, a lover of blue cheese and a classical (baroque, really) music enthusiast, I rather enjoy your good-natured ribbing (pun intended).

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  11. Unfortunately there are those psychopaths in the world that believe their opinion, and only their’s is what counts and must be acknowledged. No one else must have an opinion or a mind of their own, and those that do must be silenced and removed from making their voices heard. Usually the mindset of a dictator.

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  12. You have certainly made your mark! I did enjoy the three stooges learning to dance!
    I guess your post allowed that person to let off steam, which is a public service, really!

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  13. Too funny! Thanks for another great laugh! I had never seen The Three Stooges routine, and the “do what I do” with the bee reminds me of the scene in Young Frankenstein when Igor says, “Walk this way.” I laugh every time I think of that! 🙂

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  14. Seriously lady? Take it easy, get a sense of humour….and a life. :p

    Hm. I think I’ll go read that Blue Cheese post now….

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  15. Bwahahahaaa! On. The floor. Laughing. I got about halfway through before I realized this wasn’t a joke and she was actually seriously upset. Then I felt bad for her. Poor thing. And then I continued reading and fell over laughing again.

    Hey, “B to the D”? Can’t you just refuse to buy this guy a beer and get over it? So he doesn’t like blue cheese and classical music! He also probably likes Miller Light. Dude obviously has serious issues, but at least he’s consistent. 😉

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  16. The best part about this post was that it led me back to your knitting article which is hilarious! Oh my goodness…this poor woman knitted her panties into a bunch, didn’t she!
    Awesome! Thanks for the laugh 🙂

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  17. Is this for real? Is this a joke? Hasn’t this person heard of satire? Hasn’t she ever watched Monty Python? I guess you can never tell what is going to offend people. I wrote an innocent post about nasty squirrels in our neighbourhood, and it didn’t go down very well with one kind soul. But I’m starting to wonder if ‘she’ was actually a squirrel who figured out how to use a computer. They are very clever rodents, don’t you know.

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  18. Uh oh! B to the D reported you to the Word Press police. Busted! What are they going to do, send you to the corner and make you wear a huge dunce cap (if they do, be sure to get a pic ’cause that would also be hilarious)?!. Continue to blog about whatever you want ’cause in this country there’s such a thing as Freedom of Speech! And, because you’re funny and amuse SOME people 🙂

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  19. LOLOLOL I think I’ll knit you up an “unfollow” button or something. (Yep, I’m one of those nutty knitters, and I totally own that it’s a sickness.) 😉 Sorry you had to deal with someone who doesn’t understand that people have varying opinions and interests…and senses of humor, apparently.

    Also…someone should tell ol’ B to the D that those with imperfect grammar shouldn’t throw stones. The teacher in me wanted to red pen the mess out of that message. 😉

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  20. Your piece was so powerful she thought you were serious! I kind of feel sorry for her. All that anger and wasted energy. How sad to choose hate over humor. Keep writing!

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  21. One thing I have learned in life is that some people just don’t see the humor in things. Sarcasm and satire and silliness are lost on some people. That is a very funny post by you, and a funnier (if not sad) reply by her. You gotta love the internet.

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  22. Well, as they say all publicity is good publicity. Unfortunately I have to agree that she made your humor look absolutely factual. It is a sad day when someone doesn’t grasp the joke in knitters and 12 year old boys getting RSI. The article was hilarious and maybe her anger will spark more readers, and maybe that fun-run you passively suggested. Great job!

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  23. Thomas, I think Beth the happy knitter woman must have donned a pair of knitted mohair underwear for Lent. I can think of no other reason for such vitriol! Keep up the good work! Aunt Mary

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  24. Oh good grief! As an avid knitter with a yarn stash that could insulate a small home, I loved your original article and found the satire humorous. She certainly doesn’t fill the sweet little old lady stereotype herself!

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  25. Wow, what a lengthy rant, lol. It takes all kinds to form “the Internet.” If your humorous piece affected her that much, then I guess you did your job as a writer. Thank you for stopping by my blog. I appreciate it.

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  26. I just watched the Three Stooges bit.
    My British Girlfriend is trying to watch a show on her iPad:
    “What the hell are you laughing at!!!”
    “Honey, this wouldn’t be your cup of tea.”

    Grew up watching the Three Stooges.
    Thanks for posting that one!

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  27. I think you should write her a thank you letter to thank her for writing something so funny! That would probably piss her off even more. But really, it’s like she wrote a guest humour blog post just for your site!!

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  28. I adore blue cheese, classical music, and your blogs. I’m floored that word press takes complaint letters, but I guess someone needs a job to take care of cranky control freaks who presume you would like to know what they think. I’m glad I gave up knitting…..can’t say I would play well in that group.

    I’ll just have to find a cold Lobo Negro from the Perdanales Brewing Company and laugh along with everyone else.

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  29. I am pleased to announce that you have been awarded the the Shauny Award for Blogging Excellence! 🙂

    Here’s how you collect your prize.

    1) Follow the link: http://westutterandwedontcare.wordpress.com/awardsnominations/
    2) Copy and and paste the image into a post and make a list.
    3) Once posted then send a comment to the bloggers on your nominations list sharing the award.

    *Note I just followed the advice of the person who nominated us, since this is our first award.

    Warm Regards,
    James

    Like

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