I hate the ads at the top of this website. Huh? Are you bashing the advertisements on your very own site? Yes, with a passion. I agreed to some sort of baloney that I wouldn’t discredit the ads and blah blah blah, but I can’t take it anymore. If they decide I am no longer worthy of the $.0029 per view they pay me, then I guess I’ll have to move to Vietnam and get a job sewing buttons onto underwear for $.15 an hour (a huge raise). I don’t mind the one at the bottom of the page, right now it’s an ad for chips, but the click-bait junk at the top is smelly garbage.
“8 Reason’s Your Alcoholic Cat is also Lactose Intolerant” are the types of headlines you’ll see above. Not all click bait is bad; in fact, some can be clever and funny and is written by some talented people. Hopefully, they’ll never find their work linked in the above advert space. One up there now is about the “8 Most Demanding Hollywood Stars!” Are you supposed to learn who they are, go to your DVD bin and throw out all their work? “Some dummy celebrity orders two chai lattes and throws the coolest one out the window.” Boycott.
I think we are all pretty fed up with click-bait and yet we keep clicking. I guess some of you do want to know whose varicose veins spilled out of a bikini bottom in Nice, France last week, but I don’t. I honestly don’t mind if you do, either. A lot of British tabloids are pay-walled. I say let the vermin get their money that way instead of littering the top of this great blog with their droppings. Maybe this blog should be pay-walled? Give me $2 right now.
Sorry, I took a break from writing to find out “Our 8 Favorite Kitchen Counter Top Materials” and the “8 Secretly Gay Celebrities that Use Them.” What is the deal with “8”? I guess that is the max number of bullshit bullet points most of you will read before hating yourself.
Please don’t click the links above. The company WordAds doesn’t even pay me per click, they pay me per exposure to the ad, which means every visitor to the site (thanks). The pay is abysmal. You’re worth a lot more to me than $.0029. You’re worth a penny or two at least. The sad part is, the authors of the excretions up top are actually making a living writing, where as I dream of sweatshop work as an income goal. “Covered in Beer” is about more than money (Give me Three Dollars!) It’s about connecting positively with people. You can look at the comment section of many of my posts to see the lovely folks who have called me vile names because I hate blue cheese or think classical music stinks. I never thought I would get into paragraphs-long shouting matches with people over a dairy product. And Beer!
I just wanted to apologize for the ads. I do appreciate your loyal readership and I’m sorry I subjected you to such filth. Of course I mean the ads and not my Pulitzer-level work. That being said, please rename this piece “8 Men Eat this One Incredible Thing and Live to be 100” and link to this site on reddit. That should be worth a few bucks.