Don’t Save Your Tin Foil Hat

I think we should be wasting more tin foil. People act like it’s so precious. They take care to pull out just enough. Why so delicate? Meanwhile, we use plastic wrap like it’s nothing.
Currently, there’s 800 square miles of plastic wrap floating off the coast of California, but we keep using it to cover that half of a Coke you’re saving for later. Tin foil isn’t choking our oceans but people ration it like it’s 1935.

If you Google “tin foil,” the first thing that pops up is a slew of think pieces about how “tin foil” is a misnomer because it’s made out of Aluminum. I think that most people know that already and say “tin foil” because it’s easier than saying “aluminum.” Most think pieces are stupid like that. Luckily, this page requires no thought.

Tin foil is perfect for the microwave. No, I mean perfect for destroying a microwave. I know you’ve all done it, stuck something covered with foil in the microwave and it looks like the Governor never called and its curtains for that leftover burrito.

Tin foil is great for spotting lunatics.

Good food comes in tin foil. If the joint wraps it up in foil, you know they’ve spared no expense! (It costs $0.08 a mile)

Why do people have standards for tin foil but toilet paper is allowed to be just any old thing? I bet the Presidential suit at the Waldorf Astoria has that awful phony two ply toilet paper (which is really just one ply split in half). Food grade tin foil is always the same size and quality regardless of the brand. We demand comfort for leftovers but have no problem with that Holiday Inn sandpaper that has everyone waddling out the door after checkout. Have some respect for yourselves.

I like tin foil because it means I never have to clean a sheet pan. You have to have arms like Popeye to scrub off that baked on yuck. But with tin foil, you just toss it away and the pan is good as new. Show me someone who puts food directly on sheet pans and I’ll show you someone with zero respect for her staff, Martha Stewart.

I’ve written some dumb things before, but this might be the dumbest. It was inspired when I was preparing to roast a chicken and I got mad at myself for tearing off too much tin foil, which wasted $0.0000078 cents. I think we should all go out and buy a roll of Reynolds and toss it in the garbage. We must break this incessant worry that we’re wasting too much tin foil. There seems to be plenty.

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9 thoughts on “Don’t Save Your Tin Foil Hat

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