DIY, Humor



Yep, I did that. That’s the light. You know, THIS light. It didn’t fall or break on it’s own. It was working perfectly fine. But I lost my mind and now it’s broken.

I’m not really sure why I did it. Well, that’s not completely true. I know why it’s just hard to admit. I had just received my first bill from my new apartment. The rent is high, but that came as no surprise because I signed the lease. What set me off were these “administrative” fees they don’t tell you about. It was only $20, which isn’t worth smashing a light over. It’s the principle of the thing that set me off. If I am paying this huge amount for an apartment, why don’t you hide the damn fees in the rent so I don’t know about it?

Anyway, I got the bill and I was upset. I had to go into my room and get a check to set up online payments so Russians can hack my info and steal all my money. I went to flip on my brilliantly installed overhead light and instead of grand illumination, I was ensconced in immediate darkness. Flipping the switch had tripped the circuit breaker to my bedroom. An error had occurred and I was certain it was my faulty workmanship that was to blame.

I got the ladder out that I almost throw out a window later in this story and went to work. I figured a wire had come loose on this stupid light because wires tend to do that on their own without any force. Newton’s law. But that required me to take the light part off its base. This was a problem because four small slits are what connect the light to the base and they are very hard to maneuver. Honestly, getting the slits lined up the first time was a miracle. They didn’t come off easily either. After much beating with my fist, the light part came off, never to be returned to its proper position or shape again.

The wires were fine. Nothing had come loose and the connections were solid. Great. Now I had to line the slits up again and I couldn’t do it. My arm was getting tired and I’d get one or two slits connected, but you have to have them all lined up at once for the whole thing to go on. Over and over again, the light would not slide on. I was getting more and more frustrated and considered fixing the problem with a sledgehammer. I decided to let it hang for a minute so I could cool off and regroup. Well, in the interest of nothing, I decided to hit the light switch to make sure it was still working, you know, while I still had access to the wires. Then it happened. It happened and that light is no more.

What is “it”? That is something English teachers would write in the margins of my work trying to get me to be more specific. They were correct but not in this case. I needed to use “it” because “it” is so stupid, I needed a few sentences to get to it.

When I went to flip the switch for the dangling light, I realized that the switch I flipped that tripped the breaker wasn’t the switch for the dangling light. I had nothing to do with that switch. I don’t even know what that switch goes to in the room. But dumb ole me assumed and now the light is dangling and I can’t get it on the slits and I lost it.

I ripped the light down off its perfectly connected wires and proceeded to break it into pieces. This was not an easy task because, other than the shitty slits, the light was very well made. I had to take it out to my concrete porch and stomp on in until the plastic cracked. Then, I pulled the frame apart. That was a fine product. I stopped short of tossing the ladder and the light out the window, which I’m happy about. You must show some self-control.

This is embarrassing. It was blind rage, that’s all. I’m sure we’ve all suffered from a case of it before and will again. The problem with blind rage is it never solves anything. It did make me feel better for a minute, but that passed. Now I have no overhead light in my bedroom and I’ve got to learn how to patch dry wall. YouTube, here I come.



7 thoughts on “Oops”

  1. There is something to be said about walking away when you get frustrated. I learned that lesson when I was making a stained glass lamp. It had to fit and I couldn’t get it to fit so I purposely dropped it. Well you know what happens to glass when you do that. I didn’t have to stomp on it like you did. Good luck with your dark bathroom.


  2. Well, at least you took your anger out on your own property and not anyone else’s. Now you just need to cover up the hole in your ceiling. 🙂


  3. When my “decorator”/friend told me over head lights were not in style, I said too bad I happen to like them. However, if I were you I would just buy a bunch of lamps. I bet that switch goes to a wall socket for the lamps !!! This is hilarious and it does remind me of Seinfeld !


  4. Son. I think you need another hobby or two. This list should not include Welding, Concrete Finishing or Fine Carpentry.


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