Christmas party season means only one thing: it’s time to suck in that gut and test the strength of the button on those green corduroy slacks for one more year. People have mixed feelings about Christmas parties. Whether you love them or hate them, these tips will ensure you make it out alive.
What are you doing?
Ahh, the eternal question people ask you every year. What are you doing with yourself these days? Of course, if we had any sort of relationship throughout the year you should know, but since we only see each other at these parties, this question is a good icebreaker. Make sure you are armed with appropriate responses that don’t require follow up questions like, “I opened a Mormon Tabernacle choir for cats,” or, “I interpret subliminal messages printed in the opinion section of the New York Times.” Answer like this and people will be excusing themselves to refill on wassail faster than you can explain how you get the cats to sing. People don’t ask you this question because they care, they ask you this in order to see how the people in their sorry ass lives measure up to you. This year is going to be particularly fun for me because I’m unemployed and writing this blog. Most people don’t know about blogging so I will be able to fill the BS meter to capacity. My point here is not to make light of unemployment because millions of people are suffering in this country; but maybe you can brighten your day by making up some absurd answer to this question and watch people’s reaction?
Continue reading “Christmas Party Survival Guide”