Humor

Don’t Save Your Tin Foil Hat

I think we should be wasting more tin foil. People act like it’s so precious. They take care to pull out just enough. Why so delicate? Meanwhile, we use plastic wrap like it’s nothing.
Currently, there’s 800 square miles of plastic wrap floating off the coast of California, but we keep using it to cover that half of a Coke you’re saving for later. Tin foil isn’t choking our oceans but people ration it like it’s 1935. Continue reading “Don’t Save Your Tin Foil Hat”

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Alcohol, Beer, Humor

How not to be an ass at your family’s Thanksgiving

 

curly-turkeyI’m really getting tired of Thanksgiving Survival Guides. I wrote one about Christmas parties here. It stinks. Why would you need a “survival guide” for a party? Everyone thinks that other people’s Thanksgivings are filled with normal relatives and wonderful tradition. That’s a load of junk. Your dysfunction and awkward holiday moments are unique to you and everyone has them. People who really need survival guides aren’t so lucky.

Now tuck in to Me-maw’s creaky antique dinette set, enjoy the day and don’t be an ass.

Continue reading “How not to be an ass at your family’s Thanksgiving”

Humor

Lime Crisis

catLimeLimes are in trouble. There is a growingly severe shortage of limes in the world and you’ve probably felt the effects whether you knew it or not. In terms of fruit, I value a lime about as much as a cumquat because I don’t drink anything that requires one. But I do love pie and one of my favorites is Key Lime Pie (which I know should only be made with “Key” limes, but it usually isn’t, so hush). If you start messing with my pie, then we have a problem. Continue reading “Lime Crisis”

Humor

Killing Blue Cheese

Yuck-Face-Little-Boy-ImageBlue cheese is slopped on everything. It’s in your salad, it’s on your wings, it’s smoldering in some rich lady’s fridge waiting to be inhaled at the next art council fundraiser. People would rather hear that you hate puppies before blue cheese. I tell people I’m allergic to it, that way they won’t be tempted to try and slip it past me for fear of me swelling up like a blowfish. I guess I’m not cultured enough to like it, but I’d rather suck on loose change than a hunk of Roquefort. Blue cheese has more reach than the FBI and it’s time for it to die. Continue reading “Killing Blue Cheese”