Humor

Sizzling Hot Fruit Series

Part I- El Chapo’s Avocado

I loved avocados for a while. I ate at least one a day for a year. Now, I can’t stand the thought of eating one and I don’t know why. Something just clicked, switched. I bought a box of single-serve tubs of guacamole that sat in my fridge for five months after the click. I used those small tubs as a substitute for fresh avocado when I felt lazy. Not that I couldn’t get a fresh one, I just didn’t want to do the work required to clean and open the damn things. Opening a tub of processed guac and scooping it onto eggs is a lot easier and safer than slicing into a fresh avocado. 

People don’t realize that you have to clean the outside of the avocado before you cut into it. The inside is protected by the leathery shell but bacteria can be transferred to it from the outside on the edge of your knife. That’s got to be why so many people get sick at Chipotle. Unwashed avocados (This is an unsubstantiated opinion. It’s a fine restaurant). Anything, regardless of outer layer, must be cleaned with some sort of bacteria-killing wash before it is cut into. Think about how many times Larry who doesn’t wash his hands after going to the toilet in the grocery store squeezes lemons before he finds the perfect one. You don’t want Larry’s wee-wee-hand in your lemonade, do you? Continue reading “Sizzling Hot Fruit Series”

Humor

The Rolling Oldies

There are two types of people at the Sunshine Home for the Elderly. Those well enough to ride the activities bus and those that are not. The ones that are not well enough to leave are done. Finished. It is all over for them. The ones that can still participate in the daily excursions have some hope left.

They call themselves “The Rolling Oldies” and they are an organized band of thieves. They love going to the Zoo and to the Indian Casino, but the only thing you can steal from those places are trinkets in the gift shop. A refrigerator magnet or novelty pen will do if you have to scratch an itch, but the Rolling Oldies are into stealing the good stuff. Stuff like brand name stool softener and Metamucil are valued items. Liquor and lube are also popular.  If it is expensive, name-brand and helps you use the toilet, it is better than money. They steal reader glasses by the shipment. If you could pay for prescriptions with stolen readers, the Rolling Oldies would be like the geriatric version of El Chapo. Continue reading “The Rolling Oldies”