Alcohol, Beer, Humor

How not to be an ass at your family’s Thanksgiving

 

curly-turkeyI’m really getting tired of Thanksgiving Survival Guides. I wrote one about Christmas parties here. It stinks. Why would you need a “survival guide” for a party? Everyone thinks that other people’s Thanksgivings are filled with normal relatives and wonderful tradition. That’s a load of junk. Your dysfunction and awkward holiday moments are unique to you and everyone has them. People who really need survival guides aren’t so lucky.

Now tuck in to Me-maw’s creaky antique dinette set, enjoy the day and don’t be an ass.

Continue reading “How not to be an ass at your family’s Thanksgiving”

Humor, Uncategorized

The Pilgrims: America’s First Mooches

first-welfare-caseThanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. Looking back on my younger school days, I can remember the lame way we were taught about the first Thanksgiving like it was a wholesome party on top of Plymouth Rock. They ignored the fact that the Pilgrims had no business being there and the Native Americans would have been perfectly within their rights to shove a hot spear into thou’st rectums; but they didn’t.

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Humor

When Black Friday Comes

When Black Friday comes

I’m gonna dig myself a hole

Gonna lay down in it ‘til

I satisfy my soul

-Steely Dan, “Black Friday.”

I love Black Friday. Not because I participate but because of the discourse it provokes. Google “hate Black Friday” and you will see scores of the self-righteous exclaiming in very cliché fashions why the day and those who engage in it are horrible. Google “love Black Friday” and you will see studies done by academics on the psychological reasons we can’t help but flood Wal-mart at 5 AM in order to save some money on socks. Really? Can’t we just shop without being analyzed?  Then there are the people in the middle of it all; the 247 million “shoppers” who participated in Black Friday weekend in 2012. That number kind of makes me think that everyone else needs to shut up. Continue reading “When Black Friday Comes”