Charleston, Christmas, Humor

So This is Christmas

DJI_0017

And what have you done, Yoko?

I wouldn’t say it’s my “favorite” time of year only because a seventy-five degree day in April is pretty awesome; but I do enjoy Christmastime. I realize that I have neglected these pages the last few months, and for that I am sorry. No excuses. I do appreciate those who have enjoyed and supported this blog over the years. My most popular work by far is pieces about the holidays, so I would be remiss if I didn’t disappoint you one more time before 2019 with some thoughts on Christmas. Continue reading “So This is Christmas”

Alcohol, Humor

Dry-clean This

hqdefault-2In preparation for one of the 40 weddings I am invited to this year (always the bridesmaid never the bride…er…right?) I entered a dry-cleaner with some garments I hoped still fit. They’ve been shrinking a lot of things, lately, even stuff I never brought in. I realized, as I handed over two shirts that apparently take five days to clean, that this place hasn’t changed in thirty years. Dry-cleaners evolve like granite. I have more computing power in my pocket than they have in their whole store and yet we still pay them $4 a shirt? For what? Continue reading “Dry-clean This”

April Fools, Humor

Stop April Fools

april-foolSitting here in my Charleston, SC apartment, looking out the window at an overcast but otherwise pleasant day, I can’t help but have a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I think the cause is pent up douche chills that will inevitably flow on this, the worst American tradition, April Fools Day. I think in the distance, you can hear the cries of an unborn child who doesn’t really exist because some woman thinks it’s funny to fake a pregnancy and end all trust she shared with her partner because it’s the first of April. Continue reading “Stop April Fools”

Humor

Wedding Rambling

Well, here it is. Wedding season again. Doesn’t it seem like we are spending an exorbitant amount of money on things with an over 50% fail rate? Not your wedding of course, OTHER people’s weddings. Anyway, it is that time again to dust off the tux and pray the fibers hold steady so your cummerbund doesn’t sling shot off of you and nail some old lady mid-matrimony.

Try on All Your Clothes

image1Seriously, you don’t want this to be you. My grandfather, “Big Daddy,” made this mistake before my parents’ wedding. He neglected to try on his rental and they had mistakenly given him a 30” waist pair of pants. Needless to say, Big Daddy could only get one leg into a pair of 30”-ers. Continue reading “Wedding Rambling”

Humor

Seeing Mr. Warmth

revisedHe’s 88 years old and he did an hour and a half. He had a 14-piece orchestra and a few highlight clips of his career that he played throughout the show. He is Don Rickles, Mr. Warmth, and I had the incredible pleasure of seeing him live in Las Vegas. Continue reading “Seeing Mr. Warmth”

Beer, Classical Music, Humor

Sorry for the Ads

I hate the ads at the top of this website. Huh? Are you bashing the advertisements on yourconfused_old_lady very own site? Yes, with a passion. I agreed to some sort of baloney that I wouldn’t discredit the ads and blah blah blah, but I can’t take it anymore. If they decide I am no longer worthy of the $.0029 per view they pay me, then I guess I’ll have to move to Vietnam and get a job sewing buttons onto underwear for $.15 an hour (a huge raise). I don’t mind the one at the bottom of the page, right now it’s an ad for chips, but the click-bait junk at the top is smelly garbage. Continue reading “Sorry for the Ads”

Humor, Uncategorized

Reggae No Sober

Steel PulseDrunkenly, I love to try and relate to cab drivers. Not in some prick way like trying to make the “plebe” driver feel loved. No, it’s my own anxiety that makes me do it. I can’t stand being in the car with someone else in silence. If the dude can’t speak English, then I can justify the silence to myself, but other than that I have to talk. Continue reading “Reggae No Sober”